I got a birthday card last week from my best friend. We've been friends since 1978. We were so close at one time, we could finish each others sentences, and often times, read each other's thoughts. But when I had the Monster, and then moved away to NC, our relationship changed. Not in a bad way, just life. I haven't seen her in over four years, haven't really talked to her either, sporadic phone calls at Christmas or birthdays at best. The card came out of the blue. And I say that because I wasn't expecting it. Now that we're "older" we don't celebrate the milestones like we used to.
Anyway, it wasn't so much the card that got me, it was the message inside. She told me how proud she was of me, and I had been the only person she ever knew that ever truly followed her dreams. She knew I always wanted to be a writer.
And this got me thinking to other friends I've had. Kathy for one. We were roommates for a couple of years back in the 90's. Then jobs took us in different directions. (She actually spent 5 years teaching in China.) Last year she called me, (another out of the blue -- almost 10 years) wanted to know how I was, where I was, what I was doing. I was excited to hear from her and we spent almost 2 hours on the phone. She promised to keep in touch. I sent her an email with photos of the Monster, and copies of the couple of books I had already published (because she wanted them). I never heard from her again.
Then there's Kelly. We were friends from the restaurant. The last time I spoke to her, she wanted to know how I was, what I was doing. I told her I'd self-published a few books. She wanted to know if they were selling. I told her they were. And then she changed the subject. I let it go, but during our conversation, another question she asked brought me back to my writing endeavor. When I tried to answer her, she said, "Oh, that's just a hobby. What do you do for "real work"? I don't have to tell you that writing is "real work".
So tell me, are your friends jealous of you, or do they support you?
5 comments:
Sometimes Man is anything but kind to his fellow. I spotlighted your post today on my own blog. May your days be filled with happier discoveries. :-)
I guess sometimes jealousy can get in the way of long friendships, especially with girls.
www.modernworld4.blogspot.com
Most of my friends are male for that very reason.
Anyway, the older I get, the less I care about what others think of me. It's a pointless activity and highly destructive.
Roland -- Thank you.
Gina -- Yeah. If I thought being in high school was bad, Mommy Group is worse.
Wendy -- Good point on the man friends. And yes, being older does have its advantages.
Women can find the most awesome friendship, support and strength in other strong women. But, there are those kind of people who only can be a friend if you stay in your place. A true friend realizes that your successes never take away from them, so they are happy for you. Others are incapable of being happy because all they focus on is that you have something they don't. Get rid of those life-sucking people. And have discussions with other women about being happy for each other...it adds to the relationship. You might want to flat out tell that old friend that you write as a profession; take a second to educate her. Just because she cannot write on a serious level does not mean you can't. She may not realize these things. Of course, depending on the friendship, the energy expended toward these matters must be weighed.
Some friends come and go, and some stay. Then there are others who need to be kept away.
Lana
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